What’s IN that?!

The other day, when we were still experiencing some mildly chilly weather for Florida, there were several birds flitting about the bushes out in front of our house. They were no bigger than my thumb and absolutely adorable. I decided to contribute to their diet and proceeded to tear up several slices of Pepperidge Farm Soft Oatmeal Bread and scatter it around the bushes and lawn outside out large kitchen window…

NOTHING ate it!

For three days every piece that I’d thrown into the yard sat exactly where it fell. Birds hopped past them. Lizards scrambled over them. Ants flipped me off for blocking their paths. Three days all that bread sat there untouched and I began to wonder. If nature won’t touch this stuff at all, if the birds and bees disdained my foodly offering… WHAT is in this bread? Is it doing me serious harm? Am I being mutated into some genetic slave beast by Pepperidge Farm? Why would nothing eat their bread?!

Finally, in the dark of night as if embarrassed to be caught eating Pepperidge Farm Soft Oatmeal Bread every single piece disappeared. Something ate it, all of it but only after it sat out in the yard for days! Now we’ve got two mysteries, why wouldn’t the critters eat it and what DID? Maybe it was a van load of ‘cleaners’ from Pepperidge Farm! MAYBE it was Mr. Wolf himself*!

Hawk (bread zombie… “Loafsssssss, baaaaaaaaagelssssss”)

* Give yourself two points for getting the movie reference.


  1. Frost

    If the birds won’t eat it and the bugs won’t touch it, it probably isn’t food. I’d steer clear of Pepperidge Farm from now on, if I were you. 🙂

  2. Chilly

    *I got it. 🙂

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