Free Credit Report Dot Com Commercials

Oh how I hate them. With a firey passion. I so hope for the roller coaster to jump the rails or one of the guys sword fighting in the background to go berserk… hell, I’d be happy if grandma in the restaurant stabbed him in the crotch with her fork.

They continue to make more commercials so their peppy, inane and moronic lyrics are sucking people in somehow. I just don’t get the correlation between knowing your credit score and the situation these dumbasses are in. What good is simply knowing your credit score? It isn’t like knowing your cholesterol levels, there’s no pill you can take to make your credit better.

They claim to check your report daily. A few years ago while flipping through the channels the batteries in the remote died and instead of getting up to get new ones I watched some financial advice show where the host repeatedly said that excessive checks on your credit report could actually be detrimental to your credit. When an actual potential creditor looks and sees a huge amount of activity it supposedly raises red flags… I got up to get batteries after that so I have no idea where it went from there.

‘They’re in a seafood restaurant. The dorky singer is crying about having his identity stolen and because of that this was the only job he could get.’

Maybe I’ve never applied for high-end enough jobs, though I’ve been trusted with millions of dollars worth of equipment on several occasions, to warrant my prospective employer check my credit score. Seriously though, fish joint stooge the ONLY job you could get? Doesn’t speak much for your skill set.

‘Dorky and his posse are riding in a junker he just bought from the used car store. Girls laugh at them…’

‘Dork boy’s riding a piece of junk bicycle crying that he wanted to go green but his credit was so bad this was the only thing the bike shop would sell him…’

How would KNOWING your credit score have helped in either of these situations? You need transportation you try and buy a vehicle you get what you can afford because you NEED it. Knowing you’ve got crappy credit would only save you the embarrassment of looking at that new Cadillac it wouldn’t stop you from needing transportation to your job at the fish shack. How bad does that job pay that you couldn’t save up for a few months and buy a decent bike with cash?

‘He’s whining because he’s not a rock star living in a mansion, driving exotic cars or drinking champagne and eating caviar. He blames this on some punk who opened a credit card with his ID…’

Here’s a hint: a bad credit score is NOT the reason you’re not a rock star, Dorky. That’d be lack of talent.

‘Well, I married my dream girl, I married my dream girl but she didn’t tell me her credit was bad… If we’d gone to free credit report dot com I’d be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard.’

I find this one so distasteful I could scream. You wouldn’t have married THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS because she had bad credit?! WTF kind of message is that?! You’re in love, you’re ready to get married and settle down and you’d give up that to live alone with a dog and your goober band mates because your girlfriend defaulted on a credit card? You fickle bastard! DIE!

Hawk (has surprisingly good credit)


  1. Chilly

    Loved the rant, made me LOL. I especially hate the commercial about the dream girl as well. No one deserves to be stuck with a smelly dog and two worthless roommates more than that stupid free credit report doofus.

    However, they manage to cleverly disguise the most important part of their “free” credit report scheme… You have to JOIN THE CLUB to get your “free” credit report! You have to *pay them* to monitor your credit and they tell you, for “free,” if something looks wacky. They don’t help you repair it or anything else, oh hell no, they simply monitor it for you.

    BTW, apparently those types of hits don’t affect your credit adversely. I had a credit card which did the same thing every month and it never affected my score. (Then Chase Bank came along and bought out the bank holding that credit account and voila! No more free monthly credit score. Bah humbug.)

  2. Hawk (Post author)

    Yay! Someone reads my blog!

  3. Renelle

    Ha! one of them is my brother-in-law…

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