Oh TV, My TV…

Geico… Geico, Geico, Geico, where do I begin? Well, at least we don’t see those stupid cavemen all that much anymore. Thanks for that. As for the robot daycare? I sorta like the idea myself. There isn’t much chance of a robot molesting your children and a pretty good chance they can count well enough so they don’t leave a three year old roasting in the van.

Dear Burger King, perhaps if you bought a dictionary? Sharing and stealing, they really are two different things. When you distract someone, grab their food and cram it in your mouth like an idiot that is NOT sharing. But then you do have a history of promoting the worst in people; like that ad campaign where you violently abused people for buying your food because they hadn’t done something special to deserve it. Hey look… a McDonald’s!

Doritos! Hey there… if eating your food causes a giant rodent to burst from the walls and attack me, I’m buying someone else’s product.

Dear Allstate, It might be nice (so I know you won’t) if you mentioned that signing up for the ‘Plan that pays you back’ raises your MORE than the two checks you promise to send out every year. Isn’t that AMUSING!

While I’ve got insurance companies on the mind. Hello, State Farm. Are you really targeting morons and imbeciles with your ads? I repeatedly see a commercial with an idiot with a falcon walking past an idiot in Japanese armor and another idiot with a giant moose head. In another commercial you have a crybaby idiot who has apparently run his car, in reverse, up a pole, yet again. “State Farm, we’ll insure morons!”

Jell-o Pudding… why oh why do you want people to think that your product turns people into thieves who look like rejects from a villain casting session for the next Batman movie? Pudding smile? I’ll have pie, thanks.

Hey Stride Gum. What is it with you people? Assaulted by goats (goats?!) in the street. Thrown off the second floor of a mall onto the roof of a van. Destruction of private property. Seriously, it’s just GUM. Spit it out and chew another piece? I won’t even try it. That way you won’t be coming for me! HA, I’m goat proof!

Five Gum… no, it’s nothing like any of your commercials. Seriously.

Hey, McDonald’s, whatever happened to Mayor McCheese, the Hamburglar, Birdy and Grimace? Did you kill them off and grind them up for McNuggets?

Hawk (Knows the truth about Mayor McCheese…)

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *