Everyone PANIC!

That’s right! PANIC! There’a a TROPICAL STORM in the Gulf of Mexico! Whatever will we do?! Oh, wait, I know. The news stations will break out the storm graphics, they’ll incessantly remind us there’s a TROPICAL STORM out there! “I’ll be here ALL night!” proclaimed one talking head in his fifth news slug in twenty minutes. They’ll send reporters out to stand in the drizzle so people will understand… It’s going to rain… we know this because there’s wet reporters on the TV screen. Aren’t we so much safer because of those wet reporters? I know I feel so much safer with the knowledge that someone was willing to risk their….hair style to prove to me it’s going to…rain. Hey, guys? I knew it was going to rain when I looked outside and everything was WET.

For the love of… the maximum sustained winds are 50 MPH. That’s just 10 – 15 MPH more than the wind gusts we’ve been having for the last WEEK! It’s nearly summer and it’s going to rain, RAIN!, in Florida. Who woulda thought that? Oh, right, anyone who’s lived here for more than one spring/summer…sheesh.

Sensationalists, that’s all they are. “Look at me, look at me, I’m on the TV!” They’re going to desensitize people to the real threat by doing this shit. Back before the 2004 storm season when we got hammered they pulled this same crap. There was a hurricane in the Atlantic, it was NOT coming here. It was not predicted to come here. And yet every local televisions station interrupted their evening broadcast to tell us, with great fervor, that the storm was NOT coming to Florida. “Stay tuned to this station so we can tell you that again in five minutes. While you wait you can watch this radar graphic. We’re back, still no storm for Floriduh, stay tuned so we can keep telling you that”.

It’s going to rain, people and it might get a little windy. Don’t go fly a kite this weekend, and drive a little more carefully, the roads are wet (if you hadn’t noticed), ok?

Hawk (not in panic mode)


  1. Chilly

    My daughter’s favorite part of any bad weather broadcast on TV is the reporter doofus standing out in the bad weather as a means of proving that it really is bad/dangerous/windy/wet/cold. It makes her laugh uproariously every time.

    My favorite part of living in a state that gets snow is calmly cruising along and watching the lunatics in their ‘impervious’ 4WD monsters slide right the hell off the road like a whore off silk sheets. 🙂

  2. hawk (Post author)

    Yeah, people learning that 4WD isn’t all they thought it would be (especially when they’re standing on the brakes and doing slow, lazy spirals down the road) are quite amusing.
    I really wish it would snow down here. A good couple inches and I’d race to the store to buy or rent a video camera. Florida drivers on ice, it’d be a comedy riot!


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *