I’m So Mean…

It was 10:00 AM and I was sitting here at the PC enjoying a Diet Coke, reading email, browsing the web and generally just relaxing after waking up. Then the doorbell rang. The only time my doorbell rings is when someone’s delivering a package or trying to sell us something. Ten on a Saturday morning is way too early for any of the delivery companies. Even the mailman doesn’t get out this way until the middle of the afternoon.

So I drag myself down the hall wondering… Is it the cops, what’d I DO? Is it code enforcement about the overgrown bushes? Did the neighbors finally manage to set their house on fire? Who the HECK is ringing my doorbell at TEN in the morning?!

I open the door and… Oh look, it’s a sweet, barely teenage girl and I’m guessing her mother (at the very least she was older than the kid). Both were dressed in their Sunday ‘go-to-meeting’ clothes. The mom (adult, manager, cult leader…) does this little ‘annnnnd here’s Mary’ gesture towards the kid and the pitch begins. She holds out a copy of ‘The Watchtower’ and recites off something I paid no attention to…

In a deep, growly bear like voice I said “Go away. Go away now and never return.” The girl’s eyes got all wide, the mom-thing put her arm around her and started walking backwards.

They got about ten feet down the walk and I yelled, in a more normal voice, as I was closing the door; “You couldn’t even bring the paper up? Thanks for nothing!”

About fifteen minutes later as I was heading out to run some errands (I’m NEVER going back to Radio Shack, ever!) I pulled into the street and looked up at the house to make sure the garage door was closing… and the newspaper was leaning up against the front door. I had to pull over and laugh for five minutes.



  1. Carl

    I usually just ask them if they could wait a moment while I finish cleaning the shotguns. Works every time.

  2. trish

    I wish I could shrink you and keep you on my shoulder to tell me what to say and help me stand up for myself and never put up with stupid b.s. I would feed you pretzels and all your favorite things and it would be wonderful!


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