Florida Tourists, Please Read.

We enjoy having you visit our fine state. Well, to be honest, you could just send your wallets, we’d be fine with that too. But for the love of God, when you visit our beaches and see those signs that say things like “WARNING: RIP CURRENTS” and “DANGER” pay attention to them. We don’t put them up because they’re quaint. We don’t put them there so you can pose your kids for a photo next to them. They’re there because THEY MEAN IT!

This past weekend alone in Brevard and Volusia counties some ONE THOUSAND people needed to be pulled out of the ocean and one, sadly, will never return to Florida. Being rescued from a rip current isn’t a damned tourist attraction, people! I feel sorry for the lifeguards, they’ve got to be worn completely out.

Here’s an idea… If you’re a poor swimming and you plan on ignoring the warning signs our tax dollars pay for, do everyone a favor and swim at the beaches that don’t HAVE lifeguards. Swim at your own damn risk. We’ll ship your carcass home for you.

Hawk (who swims in a pool)


  1. Chilly

    You know, I’m simply incredibly relieved to know that there is at least one other human being on this planet who knows the difference between “there,” “they’re” and “their.” I do occasional grammatical rants on my blog but to no avail.

    However, why encourage these idjits not to swim where it is dangerous? Toss ’em in and let ’em go, says I! Get them out of the gene pool. 🙂

  2. hawk (Post author)

    And a High School drop out at that…

    It’s not that I don’t want them to swim where it’s not dangerous. All the beaches have the potential for rip currents. I just feel bad for the lifeguards, they’re so overworked lately. Let the idiots go swimming where they can die quietly and without making extra work for the lifeguards. It’ll be easier to just fish them out of the surf line when they wash up.

  3. John

    One THOUSAND in a weekend?! How about you tell all the lifeguards to take the weekend off and charge admission to academics to watch Darwin in action?

  4. hawk (Post author)

    Yep, it’s tourist season, schools are out, stupid people flood south to vist the Mouse House and hit the beach for a day just to say they’ve been there.

    I kinda doubt the lifeguards would take the day off, all that attention to duty and stuff. That’s why I suggested those people who think the signs are there to amuse the tourist should swim at the beaches without lifeguards (we’ve got plenty of those).


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