I was flipping through the TV channels the other day, blog, looking for something, anything at all, to watch and I came across some bubble-gum pop tune on one of the teen/tween channels. The lyrics went something like “Only you can be you. Only I can be me…” OKAY I said to myself. I’ll file that along with “Feel the rain on your face, no one else can feel it for you!” in the ‘NO SHIT, thanks for pointing out the damn obvious’ file. Who writes this crap? What morons is it aimed at? Only you can be you! Really? I never would have known that if you hadn’t screeched it through a pitch changer.

Speaking of things aimed at morons (not guns, sadly) also while channel surfing (when you’re sick and buried under a foot of covers there’s not much else to do BUT watch TV) I caught a new Capitol One commercial where some boss is making her CREDIT CARD employee of the month. Can you imagine sitting around a restaurant with all the other servers and employees who work for tips and slave wages. The boss comes out to announce the employee of the month… and it’s her credit card? Even worse the next scenes they show the employees working extra hard to out do a piece of plastic! If it had happened to me and I hadn’t quit in the few seconds after the insult set in I’d have plotted a cycle of revenge that would have the boss in a nut-house inside of a month.

Still on the subject of TV (I need a life) it was bad enough when Geico latched onto that stupid lizard with the accent as their mascot but now they’ve got some disgusting, able to disregard the laws of physics, pig that screams ‘WHEE!’ at the top of its lungs. Is this supposed to make me WANT to call their company? Did they lobotomize America when I wasn’t looking?

In other news… there isn’t much news. Like I said, I need a life. Got a doctor’s appointment this week, wonder if I’ll get my TWELFTH prescription this visit. Hope to get some used car shopping in afterwards. Been trying all winter to get out and try to replace this twenty-one year old clunker I’m still driving.

Until next time, Blog! I’ll try not to leave you sitting here all alone and abandoned for so long.

Anyone who’s been to the Bridgeport Connecticut DMV office knows the jokes and horror stories about DMV offices aren’t exaggerate or made up. Standing in line for an hour only to find you’re in the wrong line because the signage sucks. Unhelpful, bitter and evil employees. A parking lot with enough spaces for thirty cars already full of the twenty employee’s cars. The office being in the middle of a residential area meant there was almost no parking on the street and the line of cars waiting for inspection often blocked the side road (and sometimes wrapped to the next block) so you couldn’t even circle the place hoping some lucky soul was able to escape and give up their parking place.

Down here in FL you can either go to the DMV itself or go to one of the Brevard County Tax Collectors offices to take care of your needs… well, you could, but then they closed every DMV office in the county, then I found out the tax office, which had been just four miles down the road was moved more than triple the distance away in some new sub-division I’d never been to.

I called the tax office to make an appointment. They don’t take appointments for renewing your license. The post card they sent me telling me I had to show up said they did but I was told that was specifically for DMV offices of which there are none. Oh, and that also means the tacked on fee for doing your DMV business at the county tax office is unavoidable. Fair, huh?

Gathered, go… got. The tax office opens at 8:30 AM so I figured “Show up a few minutes early and I’ll be first in line!” Yeah, that worked out. I walked in the door and there were just a couple people in the lobby area waiting for the gates to be rolled up… and thirty or more people lined up down the hall that I missed at first glance. Ugh! Now, my back and hips are in such bad shape that standing in place is even more painful than walking around. I got to the end of the line and couldn’t even see the tax office entry anymore! I was just about to say to hell with it and try another time when this nice guy in line in front of me started chatting and it distracted me enough that the time went by quickly. Thanks anonymous stranger! You made things easier.

Then I heard the giant chain doors roll up and the murmur of conversation dropped as the office opened. I dreaded this moment. I knew, just KNEW it was going to be like waiting in line at Disney; take two steps, wait, take two steps, wait… and then it began.

The Best DMV Visit, EVER. The doors rolled up and the line straightened out and started moving and kept moving. We rounded the corner all thirty plus of us just kept walking. I have NO idea where all those people went. Maybe some went to Carousel (extra points for getting the reference there) maybe some were fed to the dragons, I really don’t know.

It was a minute, perhaps two from the time the doors opened until I got to the entrance. Standing there was a nice lady and a box. On the box were a list of options of why you were there each next to a button. The nice lady would explain to the people who were thick which button to press. I figured it out all on my own, thanks. I pressed my button and out popped a numbered ticket. Number 808… Wait, EIGHT HUNDRED AND EIGHT?! But there were only thirty people in front of me, forty max!

Then the next best moment happened. There were chairs. Lots and lots of chairs and some, thankfully, were even armless (us fat people hate narrow chairs with arms). I sat down and noticed they were Now Serving #802… 803… 804… I hadn’t been sitting in my comfortable chair for five minutes when the loudspeaker (which you could actually understand!) called my number. Five minutes!

I walked over to the window I’d been directed to and another comfy chair and met Alice the lady who was going to help me. Not only was she going to help me she was going to joke with me and smile. Someone working at a DMV/Tax Office SMILED at me! She went through my paperwork. It was all in order. I walked around the corner and spent a half minute passing the eye exam and walked back. She took my picture and asked if I was or wanted to register to vote, I wanted to. The time it took to her to fill out that paperwork and for me to write out a check (for some odd reason they won’t take Visa in person and all my debit and credit cards are Visa branded) was almost exactly the time it took for my license to be printed. She handed it to me, told me to have a nice day and I left. I was in and out of there in less than twenty minutes!

Best DMV visit, ever.

Basically, it’s not letting corporate America put one over on you or letting yourself sit and stew in your displeasure with a product. If it’s broken, spoiled, stale or doesn’t live up to the hype… SPEAK UP! Be heard. Don’t throw your money away especially in this day and age.

If you’re not happy, tell them. At the very least you should expect an apology for your experience.

And now on with our story… We’ve got some glasses/mugs that are rather tall, pint plus sized. Regular straws aren’t tall enough. In the past we’d bought 10″ tall Diamond brand straws at the local supermarket. They’re remodeling the store and dumping a lot of old products. One of those they ceased carrying was the straws we liked.

I didn’t want to waste the time and effort and put the wear on the car to chase all over the county checking out the ‘where to find our products’ list Diamond had on their web page so I scoured the internet. Did you know tall straws are hard to find? I know it now! Unfortunately Diamond brands do not sell their products from their own web page.

Straws I found were either straight, we wanted the bendy kind, only sold by the carton or outrageously priced. I even found stainless steel straws ,can you imagine what could grow in those if you didn’t clean them carefully?

I wrote to Diamond telling them I couldn’t find their product at the store we’d always bought them at nor could I find them anywhere on the internet. Then I finally stumbled across some slightly shorter, but usable, straws on Amazon, 125 for $2, two freaking dollars! I ordered two bags so we’d have plenty on hand.

Karl Z. a regional sales manager (should that be capitalized?) at Diamond wrote back two weeks later, long after I’d stopped expecting a response. He apologized for the trouble we had finding their product and said if I’d send him my address he would “…see that some of these straws come out to you directly- our compliments.”

I sent him my address and my thanks not really expecting more than a pack or two of their straws (they come 100 to a box) and I wasn’t expecting any immediate action since it had taken weeks to get an initial response out of them.

Sometimes these companies just blow my mind. Anyone need some straws?

I have a couple Hotmail accounts that I’ll check back to back every day. When I log out of one I get dumped to an MSN landing page. In the past and for the most part I ignored the landing page entirely and popped right back into Snotmail. BUT, occasionally, some story would catch my eye. Usually something about breasts or cheerleaders or cheerleader’s breasts or… cars. Whenever I clicked one of those MSN links to read the story it would launch Messenger, Microsoft’s online chat and spam tool. Not ONLY would it launch Messenger it would modify my registry because it thought I WANTED Messenger loading at startup. Wasn’t that NICE of Microsoft?

But now? Now when I get dropped to the MSN page it is greyed out and I get an overlay window keeping me from seeing those marginally interesting news stories at all. This window tells me ‘Congratulation your new Bing Bar is ready to use.’ Aren’t you excited? I’m excited! I didn’t even know I had an OLD Bing Bar but now I’ve got a brand new shiny one all ready and waiting for me to click the button… Then it tells me ‘This software may also download and install some updates automatically.’ and right there, I don’t click. I won’t click. And no, I’m STILL not going to switch to Chrome or Firefox or dump Windows and get Linux. I’m content. Microsoft, by trying to force me to install Bing Bar (whatever the hell that is) is protecting me from launching Messenger and having my registry modified. Aren’t they sweet?

Oh, yeah, around Christmas time they also pushed me to a landing page with presents and holiday greetings for everyone and a happy Bing Ding Bar holiday for all… I still wouldn’t click on it. Nope, not me.