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Archive for February 2008

Damn nice of them…

A few months ago I was doing the grocery shopping and needed some air spray. Since quitting smoking the… emissions from my nether regions have been more… noxious (think primordial swamp) and frequent than usual. Yes, I’m sorry, I’m talking about farting. A lot… I can’t help it. The farting, not the talking about it. That I could help but you need (not really, I just wanted to gross everyone out) that part of the story to appreciate (more or less) the rest.

Most air spray/freshener smells like someone’s grandmother or an explosion at a florist’s shop or don’t smell much at all. Very few do anything for my “problem”. I saw a new package on the shelf Glade’s “Ferns and Blossoms”. I didn’t expect much but I gave it a ’spritz’ at the store and it smelled pretty good so I bought a can. Used it for a week and it was great. It really worked unlike their “Fresh Linen” scent which when used just adds an outdoorsy addition to the “odor”. I bought another can the next week and then the last couple weeks it’s been missing from the shelves. The store manager fed me some line about them completely phasing out all aerosol stuff for the environment (yeah, right, whatever) but it sounded like crap (as opposed to smelling like it…)

So I sent an email off to Glade (SC Johnson) asking why I couldn’t find my new favorite scent on the shelf only to be told that it had in fact been discontinued. The advised me to check their web page to help me choose a new scent. I wrote back saying; “But… ‘Ferns and Blossoms’ IS still listed there… and even if you are discontinuing it how about digging up a case to sell me?” They do sell through their site and 1-800 service hard to find products they still make.

Friday my phone rang at 9:00 AM. Phone calls at that time are invariable people trying to sell me something or get me to donate to some cause or another. 9:00 AM is also usually the middle of my night and I answered the phone like a grumpy bear who’s been woken from his hibernation…

It’s [somebody] (look, I said I was sleeping!) from SC Johnson and she’s VERY sorry they discontinued a product I like and they do apologize ever so much and they’re really do like hearing from consumers and… suffice it to say she was a happy, perky person poking the sleeping bear. But then she says “I did call our warehouse and I was able to locate a full case of the scent that we’re going to send you!” That was nice and all but I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, the one saying “For only $40 plus shipping!” so I asked her how much it was going to cost me and she said…

No, no, sir, you misunderstood. We’re going to SEND it to you. Free of charge. Because we’re so sorry about discontinuing a product you liked.”

I wasn’t even trying to use ‘The Power of the Bitch‘ I was honestly writing to them to find out where I could buy their product around here and if not I was completely willing to buy at least a couple cans because I liked it that much. They just totally made my day.

Hawk (Sir Fartsalot)

Sorry…

I know the updates have been few and far between and that last one was just fluff anger. Mom’s been facing, walking away from and facing and walking away from (figuratively and literally) knee surgery. I’ve been the only mobile one in the house and have been doing all the things that needed doing which isn’t doing me any good…

Hopefully things have straightened out (no surgery at this time) and I can get back to bitching about the things that annoy me…

Hawk (needs to vent spleen, please duck)

Dear Britney Spears…

I see you like to go shopping. As a matter of fact almost every picture I see of you lately you’re in a store or carrying shopping bags…

So why don’t you buy a bra or two and some freaking underwear?! And while you’re at it, stop shopping at “Whores R Us”. Good god, woman, your brats ARE going to grow up some day and all this crap’s going to be splashed across the internet for them to find.

Hawk (not even with a 10′ pole)